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Sunday, May 08, 2005

How to scare kids into being HOLY.

I am here at my mom's house in Tampa, where I came across this old prayer book that my mom gave to me when I was a young and impressionable child. It was once hers. But, the real story lies within the pages of this twisted little book. A children's prayer book sounds pretty innocuous, but upon closer inspection of this frightening booklet it appears whom ever wrote this wanted them to be afraid... very afraid. Here's a bit pulled straight from the opening page:

This is your first communion prayer book. You love it, don't you?
The covers are beautiful. Inside the front cover is a cross. Look at it often and think of Jesus hanging on it in pain. The book has many pictures, too.

Ok. As if that weren't enough, here's a little snippet from a list on the page entitled, The Way to Make Your Life Happy and Holy:

9. God made you. He loves you. You will never be entirely happy in this world, you will never get to heaven unless you know, love, and serve God.

One more example:

Short Prayers

These are short prayers. You can say them often during the day. Say them especially in the time of Danger, or when the devil or someone wants you to do what is wrong.

Morning Prayer
as soon as you awaken, make the sign of the cross. When dressed, kneel and say -

Dear God, you are giving me another day....

Say three hail marys. Make the sign of the cross with HOLY WATER.

Probably the funniest thing is the expectation that ordinary children will have on them holy water to bless themselves. I don't understand that.

so, what have we learned today, boys and girls? We here at Dimensional Shift are all going to burn in hell. May God have mercy on all of our souls!!!!!