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Friday, July 15, 2005

Take out the War and what do you get? Clue: Causes blindness

There's just something about witnessing the destruction of our beloved monuments and cities on the big screen, and seeing that we as a people eventually have it in us to fight back, which makes these types of movies worth the ride...generally speaking. That's why I paid $10 to see War of the Worlds. And now, I want my money back.

The movie begins in the city of all cities, the Big Apple - which one would think perfect for a movie like this. Which is why Spielberg promptly decides to take his characters out of NY and plop them into farm country where you know the action has to be twice as good, right? As soon as this happens, dare I say that one is unable to accept the violence as satisfactory for a movie where things are expected to get destroyed. And please, a FARM HOUSE being trampled by an alien is by no means spectacular. In fact, it seems rather pathetic.

So, for some unknown reason we never see anything of a battle. No war. We do get a teaser. By that, I mean "the ridge" scene. Those who have seen this movie and are by now most likely contemplating suicide, know what I mean. For those of you who haven't, let me explain. The ridge scene is basically the front line of a battle we actually never get to see. Tons of explosions everywhere, but never does Spielberg allow the camera to, at the very least, peer over the ridge to show us some of the action. The battle goes on over the ridge, planes fly over Tom's head as he is gripped by yet another emotional struggle(blah, blah, blah), explosions ensue, and we hear things like,"there was no effect commander!" from the soldiers who look like extras hired to play soldiers. But nothing beyond that. We don't see the tripods deflecting missiles and cannon fire. We don't see the tripods advancing, destroying the great military force believed to be just over that there ridge. We don't actually see ANYTHING!!! It's all implied. And, you know what? That's just plain BULLSHIT!!!

I was pissed! I mean, up to this point, I was teased and let down many times. I thought for sure that this would be the special effects spectacular I came to see. NOPE! WRONG!!!! Why did I pay to see this movie again? Oh right, FUN and destruction! None of which this movie possessed. Oh wait, the tripods turn over a ferry and kill people. That's fun;-) Or do they try to capture them? That brings me to some other questions. In the beginning of the movie the tripods begin by vaporizing people with their ray guns. So, then why do they later capture them and suck their blood, etc? Are some of the aliens not clear on their orders or are some just having fun? Is it a free for all or is there a plan the aliens are following? I really don't understand. I guess it could be that this movie is just too heady for me. Sure, that's it. I'm just too stupid to "get" this fucking piece of trash.

I do have one more question: Earlier in the movie when Cruise is trying to find something to eat, why doesn't he think to look in the refrigerator? Instead, he frantically looks around in the kitchen for something and all he finds is bread. I think the peanut butter was his. I take it back, I have so many more questions. Like what are the red veins? How did Cruise's mini van not get destroyed by the fallen jumbo jet? It destroyed everything else around it, but miraculously spared their ride. How is that? Why didn't we see our capital overrun by these tripods? And NY? What happened to my city? I wanted to see it decimated!! I would have loved to see the tripods attacking LA, taking out that "Hollywood" sign. And what about Japan? A classic opportunity that was passed up. God knows what Spielberg was thinking. So, if you decide to see this movie, remember what we learned earlier in the week: dog turds cause blindness. And believe me, this is one steamin' motherfuckin' DOG TURD!