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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The weekend that was

This is crazy grandpa. Not mine, but my friend's - the guy who got married a week and a half ago. This pic was taken at the wedding, after the dinner when things got hoppin'. Boy, that was one smokin' weekend. I wish I could relive it again and again. Especially the part where we went to the strip clubs.

The bachelor party we had for our friend was quite the party. We started out at Mons. When we got inside, my friend was immediately forced into lapdance position by three lovely ladies. He had his hands full of hot ass, while he was being smothered by their wonderful breasts. And later, a show took place center stage, in which he was the main subject. One of the girls(Rose)hung from a pole, and hovered above my friend with her twat in his face. She was quickly told,"get down, Rose." We all wondered why? Was there some obscure Florida law that did not allow women to hover their twats over men's faces? It wasn't until later when the question was answered: Apparently, a girl did that same thing earlier in the week and fell on the guy's face, breaking his nose. 300 or 400 lap dances later, it was time to go to the next club.

We hit a place called Deja Vu. When I heard te name, I knew we were in for something special. Not "good" special. Walking into this place was like walking onto the set of a Chuck Norris movie - the Villan hideout. upon entering, I saw a girl in a plexiglass tub, naked, and splashing water on the crowd...dirty water. I don't mean dirty as in SEXY, I mean it looked filthy.Then, the announcer yelled"I think she's wet now!" Great place. But, it turned out that there was one hot girl in there ,and she was waiting for our little bachelor. They went in the back for about twenty minutes, which meant we had to get seats and wait. As I sat down into my red velvet chair, a new performer came out on stage. Her ass was so huge. But she was still partially clothed so she looked OK. It wasn't until she took off her baithing suit bottoms that I noticed the cellulite. Her ass was covered in dimples of cellulite bliss! The Puerto Rican Gangsta wanna-bes loved it! So did a few of the mexicans in the audience. So, she stripped, and proceeded to WALK (albeit very very slowly as if she might fall)around the stage. She didn't dance. The only "sexy" thing she did was squish her boobs together and say things to the guys throwing crumpled up dollar bills at her. And to top it all off, on either side of her were these big screen tvs flasing advertisements for "pizza by the slice" and energy drinks. So, twenty minutes later our friend was satisfied, we had puked in our mouth's, and we scrambled for the exit. I swear I saw Chuck Norris enter as we left.

The next place we went to was called Ybor Strip. None of us trusted this pick by the bachelor's brother, so we had them both go in to scout it out. A few minutes later, they came back into the party bus and said the place was good, and that they had lots of hot girls. I didn't buy it. Nither did my friends Dan or Chris. The bride's father, Stan, didn't either. So, we all sat outside while the others paid another$20 to get into club CRAP. A few minutes later they came walking out. "It sucks, man!", said one of the poor unfortunate fools as he exited the club. He was then follwed out by this greasy haired guy with a permed mullet, who claimed that all of his girls were in private dances, and that is why there were no girls on the floor, and, etc... So, since they had already paid, they went back in to give it another try.
We stayed firmly planted in our spots outside the club. Apparently, we missed something special, though. When Dave, the groom, went up on stage to get lapped by every girl in the place, one of the girls pulled his underwear up and over his head and dragged him around the stage by it. Something like that, anyway.

When everyone came back to the bus, we held a vote on who would like to go back to Mons. Everyone raised their hands. So, we headed back and ended the night on a grrrreat note. I got one more lap dance by my honey, and our friend Dave apperantly stayed there until sun-up, getting it on all night long. It was a great time, indeed.