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Thursday, October 20, 2005

Why the Airline Security Screenings and NFL Patdowns?

My recent trip to Portland, Maine has raised a few questions concerning the measures of which we now call "security". Why are we put through the ridiculous process of "security screenings" at airports? Better yet, what kind of damage, harm, or cockpit break and entry can go on with a pair of cuticle scissors? I was given a choice. I can keep the scissors but would have to check my carry on in with the rest of the misfit luggages. "You can keep em", I said. My laptop is more important to me than a measly pair of scissors...that were only going to be used to trim a nose hair or two.
Then it dawned on me. When a suicide bomber does the thing that suicide bombers do, their purpose is to...what? Everyone say it with me now! "Kill people!" So, who's to say that Abdul Akbar McJihad doesn't walk right up to the long line of people waiting to have their cuticle scissors, lighters, nail clippers, and deadly dildo's confiscated and blow up the hundreds of people who have now been funneled into this bottleneck of a clusterfuck and do their dirty deed? The same goes for the stupid rule of patting people down before entering an NFL stadium.

My suggestion? Fly like this. No need for security to check my package...unless of course, my package is registered as a deadly weapon.

Doctor Bong

P.S. Does this remove any chances of my head being on the chopping block? :)